The graph, from Our World in Data, shows that as we start out in life we spend lots of our time with family and friends, and then hit an interesting leveling out in our 20s and 30s. Throw in a spouse and some coworkers, and it seems like there are a couple of decades of relative balance in our relationships.

Then, something interesting happens. In our 40s, time alone takes off. Time with our spouse or partner slows upward. And all the other relationships drop if they haven’t already.

The average American spends almost 500 minutes of their waking hours alone—and only about half that time with their spouse. That’s a significant amount of time that’s spent by oneself.

Cool it, introverts. I’m one of you. And the results are in: This much time to ourselves is not healthy. Loneliness—because we’re calling it what it is—is the root of several ailments”

• Weakened immune system and increased risk of heart disease and stroke
• Higher mortality rates, comparable to other risk factors such as obesity and smoking
• Elevated stress levels and decreased ability to cope with stress

One of the most devastating results of loneliness is more loneliness as individuals withdraw further from social interactions, leading to deeper feelings of isolation and making it harder to reconnect with others.

Americans—you and me, too—need help. We’re stuck in a cycle that is exacerbated even more by the allure of copious amounts of screen time that pretends to be meaningful connection. It takes intentional choices to follow the Way of Jesus, which he modeled for us in Mark 3: Jesus went up on a mountainside and called to him those he wanted, and they came to him. He appointed twelve that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach and to have authority to drive out demons (vv. 13-15). Jesus came as a man who chose friendship over isolation. He, needing nothing in and of himself, decided that his life and ministry would be enriched with companions. And from this overflow of relationship, they were apprenticed and sent out into the world to share his message and to move in his power.

What will it take for us to choose the same?

I do love the famous quote from C.S. Lewis from his book, The Four Loves. In it, he helps us see what’s common to all people: All friendship is on the other side of curiosity. He says, “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’ …It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision—it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.”

It may be that a new friendship that busts us out of the mundane, soul-sucking emptiness of digital dopery is to endure a short, awkward conversation. Maybe some lumpy potatoes or some less-than-gourmet coffee. But you and I will be better for it.

This fall, our church is launching some new groups to help people connect and find deeper friendships. I hope, in whatever way you can, you will be a part of building the community our world so desperately needs.